How did you feel when you forgone something very important for the sake of people you love; like dreams, principles, and even yourself, your pride that makes you who you are or anything you value most yet everything you have done seemed futile and wasted? You gained nothing, just only pain and bad gossip. If you knew how it feels like, perhaps you could understand me. I could really tell you that I was one of those tons of people called, ‘loser’ who striving to win even just once. I wrote this for you to realize that you were not the only one who experienced pains from something you do for sacrifice. I hope it would do something for your life. Something could benefit for, something would inspire you and change your life. This is my story though it never ends here.
One week staying with strangers, one week staying with Chinese priest, three months without source of income, three months living like a beggar, three months living with Italian priest, three months without money and can’t provide anything necessary for myself. I am miles away from my family. Even I wanted I couldn’t back home, simply because I could not. In other words, I am alone and nobody to run to, except one person. The person I’m talking to, was lately became my lover and betrayer. I was such a pathetic broken-heart man.
I tell you, it is awkward to live without anything and can’t do anything but ask assistance from friends. I have to be humbled in every situations because ‘one false move and one reckless decision’, I can be something else, perhaps you can’t really imagine. I hope you could figure it out. Any ways, thanks to my dear friends who helped me to survive and who also broke my heart thousand times. Can you imagine how I survived until I get a job?
This is my story though it never ends here.
After I left the congregation, a lot of things happened and changed. I got a lot of experiences both bad and good things. It was almost I gave up and in some instances my faith was tested by circumstances I couldn’t avoid. My only stand was to remain as I thought God wants me to be. I stayed with some Filipinos in Rome for one week. Living with them was not easy since I had nothing to pay for my food, water, electricity and shelter. Good thing they were damn so nice to me. It was really difficult for me to start a new life and I knew it from the very start. It was my downfall. I tried to find a job by myself alone. How fortunate I was, I never found one. I just grabbed the opportunity that I was in the one of the most popular place in the world, Rome. I went to different tourist destinations, Fontana Trevi, Museum of Unknown Heroes, Coliseum, Noah‘s Arch, and specially in St. Peter’s square. It seemed, I was liked a tourist.
One week later, I spent already half of my pocket-money, I had no choice but to come to a friend of mine. I decided to go to Pescina, Region di Aquila, not more than 4 hours to travel from Rome. As I remembered during that time I had only 150 Euros. As time goes by, I spent all my money and yet no job. Within not more than three months of staying in Pescina, such things happened and it was a very long story to tell. I fell in love with one of my friend and she to me but unlike ordinary love stories there was no happy ending. Our stories only begun with unforgettable memories that ended with damn painful and bitter feelings to each other. In the end, we both thought we used each other and took for granted and I knew it was not really good but most important we did learn from each other’s mistakes.
I met friends of friends both religious and non religious. They recommend me to come into another congregation but I just couldn’t, not because I don’t like. It was my dream actually. If I would follow my will and happiness, I would grab the opportunity but it seemed the whole world onto my shoulder. It was too heavy to carry. It was draining me and made me weary. And I couldn’t find happiness any more. It became too complicated. I just thought the most important in my life, I keep with Him. Whenever I fall, I should not forget to stand and back to basic.
From now on, I don’t care with what people would say to me. It can’t help dealing with such destructive people in my life. Possibly, they can only spread out the gossips about things they couldn’t understand even they try to understand. It’s only a destruction which will not help me to build a healthy life. I have always a choice or option but I think it’s better to appear like selfish or self-centered to the people than to be a real one. I may look likes what they think about me but I just thought what I think better for all. The only question is that, do I think really better or is that really better? If it is not, I am in trouble so I ask the help of the most Powerful source of everything. I think that’s how our life suppose to be, thinking and doing better things and if we are not sure what to do, we ask for enlightenment.
Just keep being good and never give up to aim better.
The pictures below are the places I had been when I don’t have a job.
Ortona dei Marsi
The places I visited when I got a job.
- Rome (paintthemoment.wordpress.com)
- When In Rome…Do As The Romans Do – Rome, Italy (travelpod.com)
- 24 hours in Rome – A 24 hour travel guide to Rome (essentialtravel.co.uk)
- Set-jetting in Rome (brandsandfilms.com)
- How To Escape The Heat Wave In Rome (being30.com)